I spend 6 days out of the week with my nosed buried in the bible, which I can say is totally a privilege but I feel like I've been soaking up plenty of head knowledge but not so much spiritual/maturity growth but I know its there; I feel it growing and working it self out. But something I've always struggled with is knowing the truth but yet not doing it, which all I can do is try and have grace for myself when I can't walk in the truth I believe Christians should be walking in. I've also been struggling with homesickness for the first time since my journey over seas (which started sept 1 2009) its been 9 months since I've lived the life I'm use to. and I've got about 10 more until I come back to the states. Which I'm sure when I get back to the states I'll be eager to head back here.
But whats my point in all this? Contentment. When I was reading/studying through 1Tim I got to the verse that reads... "Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment" (6:6) and I was smacked in the face with conviction. To me being content is not desiring what I don't have. I'm always looking around saying "Oh I want to do Titus (my next school), I want to learn Chinese (Plan for after my time state sides), I want to be in a band, and blah blah blah." But I have everything I need; Jesus. Why do I need anything else? and how dare I ask for anything else? I deserve Hell, but yet I get to live in the beautiful country of Taiwan, I have amazing friends and I get to spend every waking minute studying the book I love and now I'm even starting bible studies with my friends. My life is so beautiful and undeserved.
Do I need to say more? How do I follow up on these statements? By the laying down of ones self, and not being afraid to take that next step, to cut off what needs to be cut off. I was studying through Psalm 23 this week with a couple friends, and a random Taiwanese guy (random sat down at the tables listed to us talking about it/asked questions and left) and I was just blow away by David relying on God and how my life doesn't look like that even thought my situation is so much different than his.
In not so spiritual news, I watched the movie Pulp Fiction last night (which I DO NOT recommend) and just the evilness of it makes me look at my world and think wow is this really happening? Theres so much suffering in the world, anywhere you go, America, Taiwan, anywhere. There is pain. People need Jesus so much, I've just been in shock since than. But heres where the American (or maybe its just my sinful nature) in me comes out I want so badly to go everywhere and lead everyone to Christ so the pain goes away, which comes, hopefully, from a good heart, but Christ compares his kingdom to a seed, something small that grows into something big; I need to understand that be sharing the gospel of Jesus with my Taiwanese friends or just even encouraging my classmates/Christian friends in the end will look like seed at full growth. I believe Taiwan will one day send people out into the field all over the world (and it already has started) and it didn't happen by winning over the government but rather by changing the hearts of the Taiwanese, but here I go now trying to be political... and It turns out this is a lot more spiritual than I thought haha go me.
well before I start ranting I better get going, there will be a news letter soon, If you would want a direct email of it let me know I would love more than anything to send it to you. so... in memory of Saint Paul...
May the God of peace be with your soul, may you know that your life was bought at a cost, may you consider others greater than yourself, may you become lowly so the God of all creation may increase in glory and goodness, may you come to the understanding that the God who became man and died for you is madly in love with you, seek him, be content but always seek the God who desires you. To the Lamb who sits on the throne be praise and glory forever and ever. Amen
