sorry its been awhile...

*newsletter update* I am trying to collect more emails before my next news letter, i am very over due, for which i apologize, give it more time, I hope to send one out before the end of this month! okay on to the real note!...

so during my time in between schools, I've been struggling with the idea of living like Christ and living a life of following Christ. I've confronted my mindset on some sins, I've realized I own to much junk, I realize the only plans I should be making are none. I look to much into the future and miss whats going on right now. Im so worried about whats going to happen when I get back to the states that I cant focus right now. All I really want right now it just a real good revelation of Jesus, and Him just pushing me to be like Him. I dont want to have plans for the future I just want to follow Jesus. If that means spending years at home. thats okay. if it means moving back to taiwan right away. thats okay. I just want to do what Hes doing!

And to tell you the truth my biggest fear right now is coming home. people i have to face. places i have to go to. america in general. If you're wondering about my current feelings about christians and the american church i believe an Al Pacino quote is needed "Just when i thought i was out, they pulled me back in." right when i thought i was over my feelings of the church i was at the wrong place at the wrong time, read the wrong thing at the wrong time, or maybe it was all at the right time. I know im not perfect. I know my mindsets are radical. but im convinced i dont live the life of a christian nearly as much as i should [whatever a 'christian life' looks like], and sadly im alone, but theirs hope! I feel like i need more grace in this area, maybe. I feel like I need to understand im a loser, and a sinner and only by the blood have i been redeemed and changed. But how much can we ride on grace before the discipline comes?

In about a week I will be starting my next school SBS [school of biblical studies] hopefully there I will be able to be pushed to the point of no return with my walk with Jesus. I feel like material stuff is holding me back from really feeling the peace of God in my life, and sin of course. is it a sin to have things? no. it is a sin to be selfish? yes. but i feel my mindset is slowly changing, maybe ill meet some people with real needs i can help.

I believe God has started a new chapter in my life...