be still and know I AM..

so its been a long time since I've updated this, over a month. I've been a busy boy. Sorry everybody! but I hope you enjoy this...

I don't really know where to start, I mean how do you describe what you've learned after spending 50+ hours a week studying the bible. I'm sure I could sit here and rant about how Egypt believed in gods that where half person and half animal or how revelation is broken into the same story 4 different times, but all I really have been seeing is just how amazing God is and how bad I am.

I've recently come to realize that this season is the season for SBS, not for anything else really. I've been putting things before the Lords current plans for my life (which is SBS), but I've seen how faithful He is so I'd like to return the favor and try to be faithful for him. I've been desiring to meet God at a deeper level, go deeper into homework, go deeper into living, all that stuff. I've come to the point in SBS where I'm proud to say I can no longer do this on my own, I need God, badly.

I've been wondering a lot about missions; what IS missions? who is called? why are we called? all that jazz. It's easy for my pride to tell me that God called me because I'm an amazing Christian but the truth is, from studying the word, God doesn't need to use 'amazing' people, he uses broken, sinful, wretches which I am one. I did nothing to get called to missions, it isn't because of anything I've done but it's all about God's divine choice. I mean all I did was read Matt 28 and thought well that makes sense I need to do that. I look at people like Jonah who was called out of Israel and seeing how unwilling his heart is, or Jacob making demands from God or he wouldn't follow him, but both these men have found themselves saying 'welp... im screwed, I need God.' But theres one thing I know about God, he loves us, a lot and he will help any of us as we walk this road into eternity with him. He is a good and loving God who, as the psalm says, has righteousness that reaches the highest heavens. I know he has never ending love for sinners and brings us to our knees....

God, though I am not deserving of anything you give, I need you.