The sunset and Talmidim...

I believe theirs power in music; both good and bad. I believe music can bring you closer to God but I also believe that it can sway you and make you live off your emotions. I've been trying to find a healthy balance of how music affects me.

This week we started charting through the book of Exodus; a book about God's deliverance and I don't think this book could come at a better time. I've been struggling with looking back to who I was. So today I woke up and headed straight for Exodus and as I struggled through the first couple chapters and I got to chapter 11 the Passover and final Plague. I think it sunk it how through these Plagues it's not just God's heart that the Hebrews believe in him but also the Egyptians and I think sometimes its easy to read the OT and know that God loves the Jews but he really loves all people and wants to set them free into this promise land, this is why 'a mixed multitude' goes up out of Egypt wanting the promise land.

And the truth is God wants to set all of us free and I have been one of the blessed one who can say that God has set me free and I try to walk in that forgiveness and redemption (for three years now). And something that I am always reminded of as I read these books is that I don't deserve to be set free, but I have been. God has brought me out of my Egypt, how dare I look back at it?

(Heres where everything connects to the top)

I went for a walk today to go meet some friends for dinner and on the way I looked out my window from my house which gives me about an inch view up to the sky and seeing as it has been raining off and on for the past 24 hours I expected rain to join me on my walk. As I walked out the house I put on the song Talmidim (The Servant) by For Today and, for those of you familiar with the song, I got to the first build up where the singer pleads with God for a new name, and worthy to process the name of God and as this happened I looked over and saw one of the most beautiful sun set I've seen in awhile. I wish I could have kept that moment; hearing a plea for newness and seeing such a beautiful site. God didn't have to speak because I know what he would have said. Tim, I've brought you out of the rain, theres so much more beautiful things ahead, don't look back, don't look back...

I know season in my life will come and go, dry seasons, storms, fruitful season all that jazz but I also know that no matter what I am God's and he is mine, nothing will ever bring me back to who I was, not after the grace and love I've experienced. I feel like the Hebrews standing on the opposite side of the Red Sea and it has just closed behind me and all my fears and enemies have been swept away and the sea is closed behind me; theres no go back. never...

I pray as you walk with God the Father, Lord of all creation, that you would strive for the Promise Land, that you would walk your day to day life knowing that Jesus Christ has brought you out of you're Egypt and is brining you home, never go back, always push forward...

be still and know I AM..

so its been a long time since I've updated this, over a month. I've been a busy boy. Sorry everybody! but I hope you enjoy this...

I don't really know where to start, I mean how do you describe what you've learned after spending 50+ hours a week studying the bible. I'm sure I could sit here and rant about how Egypt believed in gods that where half person and half animal or how revelation is broken into the same story 4 different times, but all I really have been seeing is just how amazing God is and how bad I am.

I've recently come to realize that this season is the season for SBS, not for anything else really. I've been putting things before the Lords current plans for my life (which is SBS), but I've seen how faithful He is so I'd like to return the favor and try to be faithful for him. I've been desiring to meet God at a deeper level, go deeper into homework, go deeper into living, all that stuff. I've come to the point in SBS where I'm proud to say I can no longer do this on my own, I need God, badly.

I've been wondering a lot about missions; what IS missions? who is called? why are we called? all that jazz. It's easy for my pride to tell me that God called me because I'm an amazing Christian but the truth is, from studying the word, God doesn't need to use 'amazing' people, he uses broken, sinful, wretches which I am one. I did nothing to get called to missions, it isn't because of anything I've done but it's all about God's divine choice. I mean all I did was read Matt 28 and thought well that makes sense I need to do that. I look at people like Jonah who was called out of Israel and seeing how unwilling his heart is, or Jacob making demands from God or he wouldn't follow him, but both these men have found themselves saying 'welp... im screwed, I need God.' But theres one thing I know about God, he loves us, a lot and he will help any of us as we walk this road into eternity with him. He is a good and loving God who, as the psalm says, has righteousness that reaches the highest heavens. I know he has never ending love for sinners and brings us to our knees....

God, though I am not deserving of anything you give, I need you.

a week on suffering...

So for those of you who know, or don't know, the past couple of weeks I've been struggling with homesickness, pretty bad actually, even to the point where I had my church pray for it. Crazy stuff huh? Its been haunting me for awhile, probably a month or so. But God has totally rocked my life this week of this subject; At our Monday morning base meeting our base director spoke about missionaries who just take beating after beating, mentally and physically, but yet still press on for Jesus, than we got two days of teaching on the book of Hebrews which was written to heavily persecuted Jews who were close to turning their back on Jesus and heading back to Judaism seeing as it was protected under Roman Law so they would have been safe there, and than after that we got a teaching on 1Peter which was written to people all through the Roman Empire who were facing discrimination from their friends, communities and even their own families and after all this how can I look at my life and thinking that theres something better? I'm an American, so that in itself helps me, I live in Taiwan probably one of the freest countries in Asia, and I have full support of my family and friends.

Heres the point: Jesus is worth it. Jesus is worth me leaving my home and following him, Jesus is worth persecution, Jesus is worth dying for. I really don't have much to say besides this. I just wanted to update this to show that my homesickness, though I'm still bugged with it, really is just me being selfish and not thinking about Jesus. My prayer is to be focused on him, on what He's doing, to be wrapped up in him, and just be focused on what he wants. Man God is good! w00t!

Oh, deceiver...

where do I start? It's been over two weeks since my last update on here, I have no idea how to recap all that has been happening...

I spend 6 days out of the week with my nosed buried in the bible, which I can say is totally a privilege but I feel like I've been soaking up plenty of head knowledge but not so much spiritual/maturity growth but I know its there; I feel it growing and working it self out. But something I've always struggled with is knowing the truth but yet not doing it, which all I can do is try and have grace for myself when I can't walk in the truth I believe Christians should be walking in. I've also been struggling with homesickness for the first time since my journey over seas (which started sept 1 2009) its been 9 months since I've lived the life I'm use to. and I've got about 10 more until I come back to the states. Which I'm sure when I get back to the states I'll be eager to head back here.

But whats my point in all this? Contentment. When I was reading/studying through 1Tim I got to the verse that reads... "Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment" (6:6) and I was smacked in the face with conviction. To me being content is not desiring what I don't have. I'm always looking around saying "Oh I want to do Titus (my next school), I want to learn Chinese (Plan for after my time state sides), I want to be in a band, and blah blah blah." But I have everything I need; Jesus. Why do I need anything else? and how dare I ask for anything else? I deserve Hell, but yet I get to live in the beautiful country of Taiwan, I have amazing friends and I get to spend every waking minute studying the book I love and now I'm even starting bible studies with my friends. My life is so beautiful and undeserved.

Do I need to say more? How do I follow up on these statements? By the laying down of ones self, and not being afraid to take that next step, to cut off what needs to be cut off. I was studying through Psalm 23 this week with a couple friends, and a random Taiwanese guy (random sat down at the tables listed to us talking about it/asked questions and left) and I was just blow away by David relying on God and how my life doesn't look like that even thought my situation is so much different than his.

In not so spiritual news, I watched the movie Pulp Fiction last night (which I DO NOT recommend) and just the evilness of it makes me look at my world and think wow is this really happening? Theres so much suffering in the world, anywhere you go, America, Taiwan, anywhere. There is pain. People need Jesus so much, I've just been in shock since than. But heres where the American (or maybe its just my sinful nature) in me comes out I want so badly to go everywhere and lead everyone to Christ so the pain goes away, which comes, hopefully, from a good heart, but Christ compares his kingdom to a seed, something small that grows into something big; I need to understand that be sharing the gospel of Jesus with my Taiwanese friends or just even encouraging my classmates/Christian friends in the end will look like seed at full growth. I believe Taiwan will one day send people out into the field all over the world (and it already has started) and it didn't happen by winning over the government but rather by changing the hearts of the Taiwanese, but here I go now trying to be political... and It turns out this is a lot more spiritual than I thought haha go me.

well before I start ranting I better get going, there will be a news letter soon, If you would want a direct email of it let me know I would love more than anything to send it to you. so... in memory of Saint Paul...

May the God of peace be with your soul, may you know that your life was bought at a cost, may you consider others greater than yourself, may you become lowly so the God of all creation may increase in glory and goodness, may you come to the understanding that the God who became man and died for you is madly in love with you, seek him, be content but always seek the God who desires you. To the Lamb who sits on the throne be praise and glory forever and ever. Amen

update...

So I know I haven't updated this page in forever, I've been so busy with school its crazy, life in general has been nuts. I've just been trying to soak in so much, change and do as much studying as I can, I mean I will only get one chance in my life to study like this, so why not go crazy.

The books we've been studying in week or so have been 1&2Thess, Colossians, Philippians, and Philemon. It has been great to study these books, some have been more fruitful than others but my eyes have been open to the scriptures in ways they never have been before, it feels like I'm reading these books for the first time, though most I've read like 5 times before.

Something God has really been showing me, now and the last couple of months, the importance of becoming smaller and smaller so he can become bigger and bigger. And I believe the American mindset is something that hinders people from thinking like this, this is something I don't really want to get into to, but basically 'boo american dream' and 'yay the kingdom of God'

The other night I was laying in my bed and the next day we where having this 'future job' night at our local coffee bar so I was thinking about what I wanted to be. I never really had any real ambitions as a kid so I kinda had to think of something, seeing as I'm already doing what I know I'll be doing for the rest of my life. I thought about the future, and It was weird, being an american it has told me that I need to be rich to amount to anything, but yet I imagined me growing a garden in the middle of a slum. Wow. what happened?! Who thinks this?

In the book of 1Thess the text shows (when you look back at Acts 17) because of the situation going on they really had nothing but Jesus and I'm comfortably saying thats I have anymore, all my secrets are exposed, all my plans/desires have been let go of. I find my life has been ruined for Jesus and the odd part is that I'm not upset about that at all.

I've been trying to hard to make my life less about me, but the more I do so, the more I realize the selfishness of my own heart and actions and honesty its sickening. I wish to lay more and more of myself. This is basically all that's been running through my mind as of late, more stuff too, but trying to censer myself until I figure out the right words. I love you all!

cant stand your loneliness...

downloading music i use to listen to is awesome... anywho. Just finished up the color coding, paragraph titles and rough horizontal. The past three days have been long but good ones. We've been celebrating the 50th ann. of YWAM with the founders Loren and Darlene Cunningham. Its been great to just really spend time listening to what God has down/ what hes doing/ and what the future could look like. In between these meetings I've been spending time with some Taiwanese people and the lucky part is that they don't speak a lot of english so I get to practice my chinese, which until I talked to people who only know chinese, I realize I don't know half the words I wish I knew. I enjoy speaking in another language, but more so the people who I've been speaking to. They've really grown on my heart. I've just been desiring to see any many Taiwanese people come to Christ as possible and I pray that the people in my class feel the same.

I've been reading a book I've been struggling through for awhile called "Ghandi to Vinoba" and it talks about non-violence and living peaceful lives. Its been really hard to struggle through. Something my school really stresses is that "first you do, than you preach" and I feel like this is so true with me in the matter. I feel like I talk about how bad war is but yet I do nothing to end it, or bring relief to those who are struggling, on both sides. I mean I through up a prayer every once in awhile, but is that putting hands and feet to the gospel?

Listening to Loren Cunningham preach has been moving. Its awesome to know that he wants people to be saved no matter what. Liars, thieves, rapists, murders, terrorist, you name them, they can be saved. Loren was saying how if we meet Osama Bin Ladan we should turn him into the next Paul. I fully agree, I feel if terrorist cant be redeemed then take away over half of the New Testament. I know this sounds all peachy on paper, but its hard, I believe it is so much harder to be against violence than for it.

I would love to spend some time in a war zone, loving people, praying for those who have been hurt by either sides of the party. I guess its just one of those situations were I have to just look around and be content with where I am, I mean I am content here [in the good way] I wouldn't trade were I'm at right now for much, if anything.

We finished up the 50th celebration by taking the Lords Supper and committed ourself to God to serve and give our lives for the benefit of others. I'm so game for that, I'm tired of my life being about me, I'm tired of praying prayers asking selfishly for things, I just want to know Jesus and I feel as I come to know Jesus everything else will come into place.

my life is no longer mine...

SBS sweek 1 done...

its been a long and fulfilling week, after spending around 50 hours this week in studies of the book of Galatians, I can help but wonder what the next 9 months will be like. Tonight I did a practice that I haven't done since the states... I invited myself over to someones house for dinner. It was a good meal and a good time of fellowship, I also got a hair cut thats pretty sweet, thanks Brian ;D but yeah I sit here and rethink this week the hours I've spent looking at stuff just makes me stop and praise God that he is good enough to let me do this school. I've been trying just to focus on God and nothing but Him, and truly its been amazing, just letting the worries of the world fall of me and into the hands of a God that has everything in control. I cant see me doing anything with my life but living and serving God its just to much of an honor, I've fallen so much in love with Taiwan, I really want to go out of my way to start convos. with random Taiwanese people this week. I want to be pouring out what God is pouring in to me... news letter comming soon!!!!

sorry its been awhile...

*newsletter update* I am trying to collect more emails before my next news letter, i am very over due, for which i apologize, give it more time, I hope to send one out before the end of this month! okay on to the real note!...

so during my time in between schools, I've been struggling with the idea of living like Christ and living a life of following Christ. I've confronted my mindset on some sins, I've realized I own to much junk, I realize the only plans I should be making are none. I look to much into the future and miss whats going on right now. Im so worried about whats going to happen when I get back to the states that I cant focus right now. All I really want right now it just a real good revelation of Jesus, and Him just pushing me to be like Him. I dont want to have plans for the future I just want to follow Jesus. If that means spending years at home. thats okay. if it means moving back to taiwan right away. thats okay. I just want to do what Hes doing!

And to tell you the truth my biggest fear right now is coming home. people i have to face. places i have to go to. america in general. If you're wondering about my current feelings about christians and the american church i believe an Al Pacino quote is needed "Just when i thought i was out, they pulled me back in." right when i thought i was over my feelings of the church i was at the wrong place at the wrong time, read the wrong thing at the wrong time, or maybe it was all at the right time. I know im not perfect. I know my mindsets are radical. but im convinced i dont live the life of a christian nearly as much as i should [whatever a 'christian life' looks like], and sadly im alone, but theirs hope! I feel like i need more grace in this area, maybe. I feel like I need to understand im a loser, and a sinner and only by the blood have i been redeemed and changed. But how much can we ride on grace before the discipline comes?

In about a week I will be starting my next school SBS [school of biblical studies] hopefully there I will be able to be pushed to the point of no return with my walk with Jesus. I feel like material stuff is holding me back from really feeling the peace of God in my life, and sin of course. is it a sin to have things? no. it is a sin to be selfish? yes. but i feel my mindset is slowly changing, maybe ill meet some people with real needs i can help.

I believe God has started a new chapter in my life...

timy in Thailand? oh yeah...

SO this last week [feb 20th-27th] I spent in Thailand [there is a difference between Taiwan and Thailand] hahah =p. I was staying at the YWAM base there with my friend Brandon Fox, an american missionary living in Thailand. He taught in our DTS about evangalism. The week before I left for Thailand it was raining all the time here in Danshui, and it was so hot in Thailand. It was great, I spent most of my time with Brandon helping him [if you want to call it that] with the guys at his house. They are all Thai boys who go to college, and have just recently [well a couple years for some] come to know the Lord. Thai people are so friendly and love getting a smile from white people, they also love to talk. I met some great people this week.

On Tuesday they had a worship service and I was asked to share some stuff from the Word before the worship started. For those of you who know me well, you know i love the bible and love to teach from it, so of course I said yes! The rest of the week I spent time with Brandon and the guys living at his house. It was a fun week. Just a good time to relax a little and to help serve those around me. I would post more but their so many stories to tell! ask me about it!

chinese new year!

Here in Taiwan we didnt celebrate valentines on the 14th but rather Chinese New Year. What we where celebrating? im not sure all i know is that Taiwnese kids love it because they get lots of money haha. I was invited to my friend Elmos house to celebrate. After a long day of working [moving a giant TV down 6 flights of steps at 7 in the morning, painting and scrapping] i met up with Elmo, got some food than went to pack for my weekend trip. After a boat ride across the river, we met up with Elmos mom. The whole family went out for HotPot, which taiwanese people love. and ive never heard of until i got here. But yeah we than went and rented movies and bought junk food [my mindset to pig out "its chinese new years im gunna let myself go!"] Saturday was the celebrating day! we had a great meal, I had some squid! thats awesome isnt it?! and money was passed out in red envelopes, probably because they are envelopes.. that are red! Its so cool to get to experience a culture experience like this first hand.

the tower of babel

During my free time here in taiwan ive been trying to pick up on the language, Chinesse, of course the frustrations of it all makes me look back to the tower of Babel when God decieded to give us many different languages. God did this so we wouldnt try to build our towers to heaven, untimently to humble us and its worked. i mean for any of us who try to learn a 2nd language its incredibly humbling, you screw up so many times, you yell "bathroom" at a wedding in stead of what was intended [okay maybe this was just me...], and say things you dont mean to say and get laughed at. One of my DTS classmates [soon to SBS classmates] speaks Spanish, Chinesse and some what english. When he screws up english of course i laugh and make a joke but im quickly reminded by a person or Holy Spirit that im making fun of him for not being able to speak his THIRD language correctly. And id like to say to everyone back in America who thinks "this is america we speak english" i want to say, try going to another country where they dont speak a language you know and see what its like if they use that. youd be so lost, get nothing done, and you feel so alone. i am greatful for people who try to learn other languages, such as english, i am greatful for those who are humble enough to try to speak to someone knowing they might make a fool of themself. quick story. i went to subway with two taiwanese friends of mine and i ordered my meal all in chinesse [minus: ham] so out of confidence i went to mcdonals that night [why dont i eat anything but western?] and tried to order by myself in chinesse.. it went well until i was asked if i wanted it for here or to go. so confused i pointed at the door, than reliezed he might of been asking if i wanted it small or large so i just lowered my head and repeated the last thing he said which sounded like "ta ma" which was the end of a question but i probably said "his/her horse." God is always humbling the proud! humble yourself, learn another language =p

first week back...

so ive been back in Danshui, taiwan for almost a week now. its been amazing, ive missed it here so much. it is truly like a 2nd home for me. ive been able to meet up and "play" with some of my friends [i say play because in chinese they dont have a word for hang out they just say "lets play"] of course ive been trying to spend time with God. Ive realived that i dont understand God but i have faith that He knows what Hes doing and I dont. but yeah ive got about 13 books left until im down the bible for the 2nd time. pretty pumped about that. back at the DTS house i am the only boy left living there all the others have gone to family or home, causing me to be alittle homesick. esp, since ive been listening to all local hardcore bands and would give anything to stomp the floor with my boys but im much happier out here surving God. Neat story i was praying one night and i felt like God told me to go to The Rock [which is our local coffee bar which we use for ministry and build friendships] and so i went and there when i got in was my friend Walker. He and i started hanging out about 2 weeks before outreach and than over 2 months we didnt get to see each other or talk. it was great to see him. God makes all our paths straight!

Hello...

so yeah, i just got in from my outreach to India yesterday. it was amazing, im sure ill have more updates on that as time goes on but for now. i just want to explain this site. for those of you who dont know my name is Timy Mengle, im living in Taiwan right now, as a missionary/student attending the school Youth With A Mission. I have a lot of friends and sponsers back home that id love to keep updated on my adventures, of course i send out monthly newsletters but I'd love for you to know whats going on day by day week by week [i will probably not update this daily, weekly sounds a lot more reasonible]. So this site it keep you as updated as possible about what God is doing in my life and in the life of the people around me! i dont really know what to end so i shall just say... ENJOY!